End of Life Decisions and the Heart

“The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9)

I was at a prayer meeting listening to an older Pastor praying. He said, "I have been a Pastor most of my life and I am still amazed over the things that still come into my heart and mind." Listening to this prayer of confession from such an old and experienced Pastor reminded me how wicked the heart really is. In the last eight years I have come to realize there is no parent safe from the heart of man not even a child. I am aware of situations where the child of an elderly resident asked if the facility could euthanize. I am aware of another individual who asked the facility to "just cremate my mother and mail me the ashes". I am not aware of the situations of these families but I like to think I could never express those attitudes toward my mother or father. 

There are three areas of the heart that I believe come into consideration in every end of life decision. The first is greed. In many cases some feel their parent cannot die soon enough so they can receive the inheritance. Families are breaking up all over America fighting over their parents leftovers. It is a clear indication greed is a concern. We need to remember as Jesus said, even if we wish someone were dead then we are a murderer at heart (Matthew 5). If the heart could be exposed at the moment of decision perhaps we would see the reason someone decides to terminate their aging parent is because they want their parents belongings. Paul reminds us that "People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs (1Timothy 6:9). 

The second sin of the heart is selfishness. It falls close behind the desire for money but with this I am thinking more in line with being relieved of the responsibility to care for the aging person. It is hard work caring for an aging love one. It will consume much of your time and resources. The desire to make a decision to end a love ones life may simply be a selfish opportunity to get out of the current situation. Paul says, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, but especially to those who belong to our own household (Galatians 6:9).   

The third sin of the heart again seems to flow out of the previous two. It is the sin of carnality or flesh. Here I am thinking of our spiritual duties. We are to care for the aging. I remember being humbled by my inadequacies of caring for the needs  around the aging population. I remember being told, "Remember you are not carrying their burdens rather you are carrying their burdens to the Lord." Wow! What a timely word from a dear friend. We can get really confused if we carry the burden of our love one without realizing that as believers you are not carrying them yourself but carrying them to Jesus. The most important thing any person can do during these final days if pray and share your faith.

Anyone who runs a marathon will realize you set a pace to finish the race. You have paced yourself to give yourself a chance to win the race during the last few yards. It is these last few yards that people begin to cheer for you - edging you on to finish strong. I think life is like a marathon race where everyone who is aging needs to hear us cheer for them. It can be the most challenging and most difficult time of any ones life. They are facing death and the reality of dying. They are fighting their last battle with great pain and they need your prayers and words of comfort and encouragement. The decision may be to end their life but do not allow that decision to come without a fight. Fight your greedy heart. Fight your selfish heart. Fight your carnal heart. And pray about every decision and motive of the heart that it might be pleasing to God in whatever you decide.

What's Important When Considering The End of Life?

The reason one must embrace death before one can live through the last chapter of life includes several reasons. The first is entrusting the end of life to God. It is very important to understand that my times are in God's hands (Psalms 31:15). All of my days ordained for me were written in His book before one came to be (Psalm 139:16). He determines the times set for us and the exact places where we should live (Acts 17:26). Surely this would include God determining you shall live your final chapter at the local nursing home. In God's providences he orchestrates a multitude of forces to place one in their current situation. When Jesus calmed the storm he directed the jet stream long before the moment arrived and perhaps even affected the elements even to this day. Remember God knows the sparrow and when it falls from the sky and all the necessary things are in place for the hunter to be able to shoot the sparrow from the sky. The bird and the hunter had a divine appointment and the atmosphere was just right for the bullet to travel through the sky hitting the sparrow perfectly to remove him from the sky. God has your end determined precisely as well.

It reminds me of a story of a young man caught in the rip-tides during a hurricane. He was tossed by the waves as he rolled along the sand unable to come to the surface when someone grabbed him and pulled him to shore. The young man grasp for air breathing heavily as he said "God is good" at which time his rescuer whispers in his ear "God is good whether he spared your life or not." God's goodness is not based upon where you spend your final days or how you come to an end. You must embrace God's goodness despite your situation. Where else will you go? God is your only help.

You may not understand God's wonderful plan but certainly you have learned and trust that suffering has a God pleasing purpose. If not then trust Paul when he says "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us" (Romans 8:18). Like a woman at child birth forgets her suffering the moment she hears the crying child you too will forget your suffering when you hear the Savior's voice. John told us emphatically "In this world you will have trouble" (John 16:33). Remember when we are weak He is strong an shortening our suffering will also shorten His grace. Your opportunity to glorify God in your end of life suffering will come to an end. You will have missed the opportunity.

We also want to remember that the eternal rewards and eternal welfare of the soul is far more important than the short term good of the comforts of the flesh.  Paul said "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). Perhaps we can say when visiting the hospital or nursing home it is far greater to think about how we will phrase our prayers and which Bible passages we will share with our loved one then how we can save them from the current painful situation.

I remember visiting a resident of a local nursing home when she went into the hospital. She laid there lifeless and I just whispered in her ear this is why you went to church all of your life to strengthen you for this moment so trust Jesus. Lean on him. Give him your life to him now. Believe on him and his goodness. Don't look at your current situation just embrace him. Trust him with your life. You've been taught this all of your life for this final moment. Exercise your faith as you have all your life and trust him. Trust and Obey. There is no other way to be happy in Jesus than to Trust and Obey. Submit to His Sovereign grace and trust him with your life.